How often do you reminisce?
Is it spontaneous or does it have a course?

I believe it's a certain set of events that take place over micro courses, which eventually portrays one day as a spontaneity. It's a culmination of various linear sorts. 

Why am I saying this bunch of crap here?

Like I mentioned, it led until here from somewhere. It all started, when I had decided to do a little household cleaning and unpacked by bags only under the pretense to orderly repack it later. But as the basic distracted soul I am, while drifting through my stuff, I noticed an old Hard Disk of mine. It was like my personal friend during college days. But since it was an outdated piece of tech, it didn't come much into my daily use and ended up on the lower end of packing hierarchy. I took him out, plugged it onto my PC and scanned the little guy a bit. I was curious to know what was in there, that I had already forgotten. To my surprise, the scanner said 'No threats found' (Good boy!) and it was only to find another bigger surprise later. I opened the files of that 160GB Hard Disk and it contained only one type of file - Porn. Yes, man. Only freaking porn! Was I excited for the sheer joy of ejaculation? Not very much. Did I have a plan on how to finish watching them soon? That neither. What was I feeling? It was more a secluded pride which came out of sheer planning and vision of the distant future. Some of those videos which I had in there were not even available on the internet anymore. This was like hitting the damn Monte Cristo's Treasure Chest. Ah College Meghal!

So, how did this overly inflated tale of my porn hunting triumph relate with my current topic?

This unraveling of an old 'digital mine' got me thinking about the first time I got my hands on them. It was during my school days. And mind you, I was nowhere the 'planned and accomplished' rascal I am now (pun intended). I was 15 and had broken up with my newly discovered girlfriend. Or to be precise, she dumped me. As usual you go through all those usual teenage breakup traumas. I was no better. I was a helpless romantic, I assumed. As time went by, I realized that it was simply how breakup looked like. While you cut yourself off from the outer world and accepting the fate that seeing your ex holding hands with another guy was the reality you would be living in, you get to a stage of intervention by your friends. They came up with the simplest suggestions like "Start smoking a cigarette" to the most outrageous ideas like "Let's videotape your ex's nude in the bathroom and upload it online". I was not receptive to any of them. When always, you run out of good ideas to brainstorm, someone out of nowhere comes up with a ray of hope. And that's one of the reasons its good to have a handful of friends. You have a fair lot of options to choose from.

"Buddy. Watch this", said Raf. Saying so, he handed me over a CD
"What's this?", I asked.
"Blue Film", He responded with a sort of familial love. Blue Film was what we used to call porn back then. Well, we didn't know any better.
"What?! No... No", I hesitated. So, a small prologue here - I had never watched porn until then. I used to snoop around nude 'Playboy'-esque photos over the internet. But never, got my hands on the actual action. For that reason, I didn't know what I was getting into. I used to hear rumours about boys being addicted to pron and ruining grades. That was enough to set me off.
"This will guide you during tough times", said Raf.
"Back off Raf. He is not watching anything", said Sumith. Sumith was my closest friend since the day one at school. He would vouch me for me and sometime be my mouth. His words deterred Raf and he bid farewell. "Buddy, you don't need any of these shortcuts and advise from losers. You need to be more realistic. You have to focus on your mind", Sumith said as he pointed to his brain assuming that's where it lies. "Lets join the school club tomorrow and get back on badminton", Sumith told me.
"Not interested man", I said. Sumith could sense my appointment and I could, of his.
"Look here", He said and grabbed by shoulders. "You are going through a breakup and during this time what you need is, all help you can get. You know, last year when I broke up with Resh, sports was what that kept me pulling through. You should know this - when Loves leaves you, Fitness is the hope." His Pele-like spirit was nowhere as close to his sports performance, but it was enough motivation talk for my standards

I was a sucker for this wisdom. The man had a point. But I was still the hesitant kid who refuses milk unless its mixed with Bournvita. I had the milk. I had not found the Bournvita yet. I ditched his offer and went back home after class

Interestingly, just like the smell of pizza across the street calling when you walk to work, Sumith's words were lingering over me. I thought that it was not a bad option after all. I have got nothing to lose here. My girl ditched me and I am a single guy (school kid) who needed to find pleasure. I finally decided to join the Sports Club.

"Sumith. Yeah about that sports proposition. I was thinking of joining the club today. Shall we go?", I asked enthusiastically.
"Oh... You mean today? Tennis?", He asked to confirm.
"Yeah. I have finally made up mind" I replied.
"How about tomorrow? I have a tournament today and can't afford to miss it. The coach would fire me"
"Oh come on man. With great difficulty, I came to this decision"
"I know. But tomorrow we are joining the club. Not going back on that. Trust me"
"Damn it. Alright"

I was taken aback by the unexpected turn of events. I couldn't help it either. Upon pondering, I knew I had to do something to keep myself engaged that day else I was sure to slip back on my decision. I circled over Sumith's advice that day, re-winded a bit more and then landed on Raf's supportive wisdom that he had poured to earlier the same day. Plan A didn't pan out. I resorted to plan B. Since I had already my mind on what to do, I had to execute how to go about doing it. I was aware of an Internet Cafe a few kilometers away from my home. In those days, that used to be the one and only safe haven for androgen-fueled school boys. Much like a teenage equivalent of a gentleman's strip club.

I walked the entire distance and reached my 'Abode of Relief'. The bright neon signs seemed like they calling me to be seduced. In through the glass windows, I could see screen glares bouncing of the window pane. There weren't many people in there. That itself put me at a little ease. I had all sorts of thought pacing through my mind. "Would any of my relatives catch me lurking around there?", "Would I be recorded on video?". Carrying all those fears, I paced up the stairs and entered. I couldn't be more nervous. As I felt the nervousness, I gradually understood that being dumped was not a bad thing after all. It was in reality, a meager pain compared to what I was going through at that moment. I paid the cashier upfront and walked prudently towards a vacant both.

"Boy, this was it!", I thought

The world was all mine now. There was sufficient privacy. No one to watch me and my actions. I opened MSN (Glorious days, Ancient tech) and searched for the first words that came to my mind - "Sex". Not to be offended, I didn't get the results which I was expecting. Nonetheless, it seemed as though MSN had an extra sensory system embedded in it, just to warm me up. After a few trial and errors, I landed on the right pages. It was a smorgasbord of all things nice, sweet, salty and downright bitter! I could say, it was glory in all its form. After taming my senses for half an hour, I leaned back on my chair to have a relaxing stretch, only to be bumped into by another chair behind me. I panicked and turned around. The panic, quickly turned to flabbergast and ended in a bout of laughter.

"Sumith!", I yelled
"Hush! Keep it down, man.", Sumith signaled me to be silent
"Tournament, eh?", I asked sarcastically
"Actually it got cancelled last minute"
"You still had enough time to call me... friend"
"I... I.... Oh alright. No comments... I suck", He caved in instantly like a wounded soldier
"I didn't notice you while I walked in here"
"I saw you all the way from the front door"
"Then why didn't you call me"
"Well. To be honest, I thought you would walk off just like you came in, without noticing"
"I guess you might have been fully engrossed in the tournament", I mocked at him. Sumith gave me that silly embarrassed look to replace his words.
"Chill man", I said as I tapped his shoulder. "You know what, I feel a lot better now. I feel actually free"

We had a few minutes of chat and he came over to my PC. His vast knowledge in this area was unknown to me and he did demonstrate it with the names of certain website addresses, which I rather not say now. Because, I am pretty sure most of them have been blocked today! After leaving the place, we went to a coffee place and had another hour of a great brotherly conversation, shortly after which I left for home.

So, there it is my first porn experience. That particular day, none of the things worked in my favour. It was infact working in every way against me, so as to knock me out. Or so, it felt. The truth is that I couldn't have been more glad about what happened to me then. I had the early young age experience of having to deal with a break up, and that dense wisdom help me help others who were going through similar phases in life. I watch my mates who sulk over a bad breakup in their late twenties and it all seems like a childish twitching of facial muscles a.k.a. frown, to me now.

Most importantly, I realized, like friends glue together no matter what. The more bosom the relationship is, the more synced your thoughts are. And eventually you end up at the same decision simultaneously. The connection is more spiritual than you think.

I guess, that was the Bournvita I was searching for


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I am the kind of person who continually keeps changing. Some call it restless. But I call it evolving with time. I am an Engineer by profession, a Coldplay fan and a pure Socialist at heart. I believe that one should not stop dreaming and that dreams install hope in this world