The Beast Within

I couldn't think of a more vicious way to kick start my Saturday morning, when I decided to watch an episode of Jeremy Wade's 'River Monsters'. I am a giant fan of this guys' guts. Basically, it's a fishing show, where he catches giant and terrifying river fishes. So, to sum up, he is a fisherman with balls. What I or anyone for that matter, would feel after watching this show is that in true nature, all animals in the wild are in a struggle. This struggle for one's survival keeps one cautious over their surroundings. And its not in any way different for us humans. It many a times manifests in peoples' behaviour especially while pointing out our love for MMA. It's evident.

How strong is this tendency?

I took it to the streets that afternoon. My friend, Sree, wanted me to accompany her for a certain task at a certain place, which I would certainly not reveal. Nah. I am just kidding. Basically, I had to move along the frosted path to tread to a government building to help my friend fill in some forms to avail some social benefits. Ah, the pleasures of getting back what you give! Quite a menial desire, yet it comes as a privilege in many parts of the world, especially where I come from, giving is all what seems to happen. I had to be aware that I will be stranded there, the whole while, while my friend would be inking down on papers with a mouthwatering craving for all the money.

As I sat there upholding my seemingly nonchalant 'brilliance', I was warily sure that I was deemed to be bored for the next hour or so. I picked a magazine lying on the light-toned wooden table. I brushed through the pages quicker than a hamster running on its wheel and then went for the another one. Again another. And then another, until there was none left unread. I could literally hear my breath rumbling like a tribal musical instrument. People were walking in and around the office asking questions to the cute receptionist in between. I gazed at everyone, their actions, their mood, their tone. Every person seemed interesting from that angle. 

I was wondering if people were actually amicable or just pretending. Would they be as savage as one of Jeremy Wade's 'monsters'? I was sitting there crossed legged, I asked to myself "Why don't you seek it out?" I clutched my arms on the armrest of the chair and propelled myself out from the comforting shell of the well-knitted cushion. I walked across the hallway. Employees were walking by, some busy with their files, some other with their coffee. I darted my eyes straight and hitched my glance on the lady receptionist. My intentions were fairly genuine. But, I was not sure how the lady would be responding. Like I always tell myself in such circumstances - Give the least fucks you can. I just did that again. I walked towards her admiring her sartorial elegance.

"Does the Wi-Fi have a password?", I asked the lady
"Yes", she replied with an evident sign of disinterest. "Its right there". She pointed towards the soft board behind me. She must have deduced my sensual intentions and used her natural shield to wade me off.

As I took note of that 'Ice-breaker password', I thought of a way for a better comeback.

"That's a very interesting accent you have got there. You have sparked my curiosity", I inquired

She looked up at me, this time with a pleasant smile and a dose of possible validation. Women, uh!

"I am British. I am surprised as you noticed that!"
"Been there, heard that. That musical tone", I asserted
"Where were you at?" I knew this was my moment. Now, she was curious
"Newcastle", I said.

The conversation was in reality escalating at every instance of emotional connection. She got to telling me her whole story - How she left Britain and got to Canada. Although, some parts really bored the living hell out of me and made me wonder why I got up from my chair in the first place, I could still feel a rapport. Just as I was about to take things to the next level (Guys, you know what I mean here - The number close!), Sree walked in after her meeting. "Damn it!", my mind uttered. She gave me a sneaky look signalling that she could very well sense what kind of act I was performing there - 'The Odyssey of Meghal's Seduction Chronicles' - as she used to mock me. Her motives then, were to drag me from there, without further adieu.

"It's time to go dude. Damn late!", Sree muttered pointing to her dead watch

With a hesitant shrug, I halfheartedly walked out and just then, just at the right moment of withdrawal, I heard that same musical voice... Again.

"Maybe we could meet sometime for a coffee", said the 'cute receptionist'. I could only smirk here.
"Perfect. Lets exchange numbers. But I should warn you - I tend to fly after coffee"

I exited the building with my friend and told myself "Mission Accomplished". I could read the expression of my friend being pissed that she let me get away with that. I laughed and jumped at her. Then I took the paper, she handed out the number on and I flipped it at her. Then... I tore it apart. Sree was surprised as if it was a shitty thing to do. Was it? Maybe.

"Why did I do that?", She asked still retaining the pissed figure.

I kept pondering. I couldn't find an answer. But, the truth was, I just couldn't care less while doing it. I have got to say this, it did put a silly smile on my friends face. I shared that smile. That was worth a zillion dollars. My emotional connection with my friend was priceless and I didn't want a strange woman to take that away. Because, what mattered was the inanimate value of friendship. That can never be recreated from anything else.

I was up late that night and Jeremy Wade's videos flashed through my mind. Then it struck me. I had another intention as to why I tore that receptionist's number earlier that day. The only reason I walked up to her was because, I was not sure, we as humans still have that savage defensive mentality in all of us. It's part of our trait. But unlike all animals, we have evolved consciousness, something that is even more powerful than the genetic nature within us. If tapped into it properly, it can work for us rather than against us. That is what keeps us distinctly apart from all other creations on this planet. But the catch here is that our initial mode of interaction is that defensive mechanism rising up. The task is to get through it. Once you cross that shield, you can explore the actual human being, which was part of my attempt when I came back with a compliment to the receptionist. And this is the problem within most of us. Most of are basically terrified of crossing that shield. This fear is basically the fear of Social Judgement coupled with Approach Anxiety. This has to be slayed down at any cost. Else we as humans, will and ever, remain as that crude beast.

Can we figure out when we have touched the limit?

The simple answer is - When you cross the line and get to the other side, only then the line becomes starkly visible. You can't see the line ahead of you. Never will. You must feed this into your head.

Let's give ourselves a little break. The next time we build prejudice around social norms, understand it might have been set by other humans less intelligent than you.

Free the mind.


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I am the kind of person who continually keeps changing. Some call it restless. But I call it evolving with time. I am an Engineer by profession, a Coldplay fan and a pure Socialist at heart. I believe that one should not stop dreaming and that dreams install hope in this world