There are times I fucked up. Sometimes I lied to myself. At other times, I lied to my friends. Once in a while to the whole world. All I could do was stare into the abyss and do nothing but gaze. Ponder. Ponder as much as I can but I couldn't escape it. I have had to live with it. It then became my prime source of guilt. It might have been out of choice or out of none. The truth is that it's now a reality. I can't go back in time. I have hated myself when I put myself through it. I can conceive the gut wrenching pain I felt, when people whom I thought were a part of me, lied. Is this cyclic? The uniform transcendence of the cosmos? In which I have no way out. I am meant to bear this as part of my dark past. It seems that now I am oblivious of time in its essence.


But, there is something that gets missed out in the midst of all the chaos. The idea of what you can do about it. That idea would initially be a buzz or a whistle. That voice dies out by trying to catch up with the other loud clamor. Our biggest mistake is that we let it die. We let it because, we don't believe in it. Instead, believe in it. That voice is you and is part of the good you are. Drag him forward. Give him a helping hand and pull him out. Allow him to speak. Once, he speaks you realize that all the other yells that shut you down while you existed were not your friends at all. They wanted to put you in a conundrum just so the other guy couldn't speak. Now, you gave him an opportunity and he deserves to be heard. He is talking about you. The virtues in you. That beauty in you. He is putting this in your head that why you looked down upon all those people once was because, you were simply stupid. You were just a kid in this journey of the Universe. And if you listen closely, he will tell you that you lied then, since you were a victim of circumstance knowingly or unknowingly. You might not have been coerced. Your mind convinced you do it, just like the innocent child who played with his first match stick. You had no one to tell you.


But now, you have your voice standing up for you. You let him speak once and he will speak again for you. Next, he would go in for battle with you even if its to hell. That is for once the fix-it-all solution to push you to tread forward in life. Ever heard of people never giving up until the last minute. Some might have succeeded. Some might have failed. Some just got by. It's on themselves that they didn't give up. They believed in themselves. They might have seemingly failed in their quest.


But life didn't fail any of them. Think of the soldiers who gave their last breath even during defeat. The underachiever who gave in more than himself just to barely get by on his tenth attempt in his exam. The candidate who earned a seat in his job after his countless interviews. The divorcee who lost hope of love, only to eventually learn that his true soulmate was the girl next door all the while. The entrepreneur who shelled out his last penny and gets an email next morning giving him his first big order. If they all pushed through, you can. You have to. Because, anything else you do would be lies you tell to excuse yourself from life.

Life is a dichotomy of vices and virtues. All you have to do is learn to be content within yourself.


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I am the kind of person who continually keeps changing. Some call it restless. But I call it evolving with time. I am an Engineer by profession, a Coldplay fan and a pure Socialist at heart. I believe that one should not stop dreaming and that dreams install hope in this world